Dear Penn State... We're Done

Dear Penn State:
I'm not really sure how to start this, so I guess I'll just get right to the point. I'm breaking up with you. With heavy heart, I'm returning my degree.

Now before you get all ready for me to say, "It's not you, it's me," think again. It is you. I thought you had educated me well. I thought you were the kind of place I could recommend to friends, and now friends' children. Alas, unless it's just "For a good time, call (814)...," there'll be no more good will from me. All these years of total Penn State pride are now crumbling before me, for reasons I never saw coming. For now here I sit, a forty (something) year old woman, faced on a daily basis with children, mere wee babes, who know more than I do. On. every. single. topic. I can no longer get frustrated with their misguided whining, their pre-teen condescension. If by age twelve, my child boasts the wisdom to contradict everything I say, everything I assert, is there not a point at which I turn and listen to his endless interjections?

Clearly, the caliber of my education must be called in to question. What other explanation could there be for being of my age and yet so stupid compared to everything my kids say? For the money you charged, twelve year olds should not be rolling their eyes in disgust. They argue every statement I make including whether the sky is blue. Their little, "uh.. NO!" jibes leave their sting over time. It bothers me that my own kids are showing up my knowledge. I'm tired of being spoken to like a dufus. I want my money back. Ok, my parents' money- whatever- just give it back.

As if this all weren't humiliating enough, imagine the torment I face knowing that, according to them, "EVERYone knows ..." and "well NO ONE would ever..." How could I be so dumb, after thinking for all these years I was so smart? Frankly, I'm blaming it on you, dear Old State.

I vividly remember (as clearly as I remember anything in our time together) taking statistics courses, sociology, even Astronomy. All apparently were shams. Son1 has made it clear over and over again that the Earth revolves around him. So it looks like Galileo-Schmalileo to your flunkee Astronomy faculty and the students you scammed. I can't even imagine what other scholastic flaws my sons will root out in their teen years.

I wish this could be different. We had some great times. Some really great times. Look, maybe when some time has passed, I'll feel differently about you. When my sons are past their teen years and no longer speak to me like a know-nothing cash dispenser, I may feel more confident in my education's merits. We'll see. For now, please don't make this awkward by calling or emailing. I'm not donating to your fundraising. If you want to call, speak to Son1 or 2. They will share their omnipotence with anyone. You may want to consider a faculty spot actually. In their minds, they are truly brilliant.

~Jersey Diva Mom

PS- tell JoePa I said hi, and that I'm not breaking up with him. He passes the "know it all 12 year old" test, so things are cool for now.